Good Afternoon Readers,
The topic of today’s entry is something that none of us is a stranger to. Break-ups. That is right, whether they are a healthy (good) break-up or a savage (bad) break-up, this is the topic of today’s conversation and something that we can all relate to. I aim for the entry to cover a vast area regarding break-ups, but, I shall see what happens.
(Also, fancy new graphics! Smart, right?)
‘Dumper’ & ‘Dump-ee’
It is fair to say that the majority of people in their twenties have experienced one or two (maybe more) break-ups in their time. Whether these experiences are the good, the bad or the ugly (or a mixture of all three), we have all been there and, more importantly, we have all handled them in different ways.
At this stage, it would also be fair to say, that break-ups can be difficult whether you at the ‘dumper’ or the ‘dump-ee’ (or so to speak). That previous statement can be argued to high heavens depending on who you talk too, but, it is my personal belief that it can be difficult for either situation, depending on the circumstances. Both positions have two possibilities, for example;
- The first possibility for the ‘dumper’ is as follows. It is difficult to break-up with the person you intend to break up with. People, who argue the following; if it is difficult to break-up with the person you are going to, then why end it at all? Valid argument agreed. However, this is where the circumstances come into it. When you are the ‘dumper’, you may have to do it because, despite the fact you love the person, you do not see a future that the other sees (which is completely possible, you can love someone wholeheartedly and not want the same future as them); one of you may be moving away and the distance would be too much for you to handle; you have got to a stage where you have been with someone for long, you have started to see them in a different light you never thought you could, therefore, you no longer want to be with them; and finally, it just may not be right anymore. Again, it is all down to circumstance. Like I said, this ideology behind it being hard for the ‘dumper’ is not a favoured idea, but, it is one that exists.
- The second possibility for the ‘dumper’ is this. It is not difficult to break-up with the person that you intend to break up with and as much as people hate to hear it, you have simply ‘fell out of love with them’. Now, being honest, this is not my favoured idea. I do not believe you can ‘fall’ out of love with someone, just like that. E.g. you can not just wake up and suddenly decide you do not love a person. I believe, just like growing to love someone, you grow out of love with somebody. Over a certain period of time, you grow out of love. The spark that was once there is not. The way you see them changes. The dynamic changes. It is through no fault of their own (actually, it may be) but it just happens. Time changes MANY things. Including feelings. All in all, it is easy to break-up with the person because you no longer have the same passion and desire you once shared with this person, it ends, and with that, so does the relationship.
It is worthwhile saying that the previous 1 & 2 possibilities for the ‘dumper’ can almost be identically mirrored within the ‘dump-ee’.
- The first possibility for the ‘dump-ee’ is as follows. It is difficult to be broken up with. It is at this point you have read the previous statement and gone ‘duh’. Yes, fairly obvious, but, not always – as will be explained. Obviously, if you are being broken up with, it may not be something you want. You may be perfectly happy with your relationship, you love the person for everything they are and ever could be, you enjoy every day with them and can see your futures together. Little do you know, the other person does not reciprocate those feelings, unfortunately. Then, one day, it hits you like a tonne of bricks all at once and just as quickly as they entered your life, they are gone again. It is not easy and it is not nice. You have lost any control you thought you had on the world around you. Therefore, it is difficult. You could not think of anything worse. This is not what you wanted.
- The second possibility for the ‘dump-ee’ is this. It is not difficult to be broken up with. In the situation; it can be a variety of things. You have been in the dead-end relationship for a long time and just waiting for the moment either you or them, decided to end it. It comes easy, it’s mutual and you go your separate ways. Also, as before, you have grown out of love with them and this was the right choice. The list is endless, it goes on and on.
As I said, and as you can probably read, a lot of that mirrors each other. Some of it will be argued by individuals and that is either through pure belief or denial due to past experiences. Whatever it is, they are some of the areas I have experienced and what I believe to be true. Either or. Take your pick.
At the same time, you may be one of those that are sitting there and querying a lot of the things that I have left unwritten. These may be things related to relationships such as arguments; cheating; lies and more. Yes, these are definitely worthwhile speaking points, however, I am attempting to stick to the generalised, meaning, whatever I talk about (or not talk about) can be applied to any situation.
Break-Ups; Blessing & Curse
Just from reading the sub-title of this section, you may already have your opinions or thoughts on where this is going to go. Or, you simply have an agreement or disagreement towards it. Let’s continue.
In my personal beliefs, break-ups can be both a blessing and a curse. Simply because break-ups are the physical embodiment of the saying ‘the good, the bad and the ugly’. Let me explain.
Break-ups are a curse because of the physical, emotional and mental torture that they put us through (or do not, we have covered the fact there are two possibilities, however, let’s focus on this one). Break-ups are like hitting rock bottom, except you hit EVERY rock on your way down. You are laid at the bottom with no energy, no motivation, no nothing to make you want to climb back to the top. You are plunged into darkness, except, the darkness is filled with the questions left unanswered, the closure you never received. It is a shadow cast over you that fills you with doubt, questioning, bargaining and more. Like a rain cloud over you, it never seems to want to leave you alone. It is a curse because it drives us insane. It leaves us eating nothing or everything, there is no in between. It leaves us laughing insanely or crying uncontrollably. It leaves us pushing everyone and everything away and wanting to be alone or wanting nothing more than to be close with the others in our lives. It affects us on every possible level. Like I said, hitting every rock on the way down. If the news of the break-up is us (falling down to rock bottom) and the rocks on the way down are the physical effect, emotional effect and mental effect – we literally are hitting every level. Therefore, it is a curse. It leaves us a shell of who we used to be. It sucks the nectar of life from us. It drains us of what we are like pulling a plug on a bath. Just, gone.
As I mentioned at the beginning, most of us in our twenties have been through a fair through break-ups so I should hope, understand why break-ups can be a blessing. Though the ‘curse’ stage can last anywhere from days to weeks, to months to even years in extreme circumstances, what follows is so, so sweet. The best way to put it, it is like a rebirth. One day, at some point, you will wake up and you will have a new lease of life. New perspectives. New motivations. A new appreciation for life. You could not care less about what has happened because you accept it in your stride and understand that it was just one of those things to happen in life, there is nothing that you can do it, it has helped to build you into the person you are and now you can start anew! This stage literally is life changing with the way it just happens. Most people refuse to see how it can benefit them and no amount of support from friends and family can help them see it. This stage is something everybody has to achieve alone. Friends and family are there to make the break-up as comfortable as possible.
Therefore, all in all, we have discussed a little bit on break-ups today. For what reason? Well, I suppose it is because of nearly five-months on, I am not fully over a relationship and I know others out there that are experiencing the same. I wrote this entry to share my experiences, my views and to let others know they are not alone, or, what they are feeling is not unusual. When it comes to break-ups, however you handle them, it is normal. There is nothing you could do to surprise this world when it comes to the end of a relationship and how you cope.
Also, one final thing, when relationships end it is always the understanding that is confused. Either different understandings or lack of. It is crossed wires, unanswered questions and confusion. Therefore, I believe this entry serves as a pathway to an understanding, of sorts. Whether it is understanding the ‘dumper’ or ‘dump-ee’ or whether you need understanding on how break-ups can be both good and bad for you. It is here as… something, shall we say.
Whatever you are going through, best of luck and stay strong.