Anxiety and It’s Disabling Capabilities

University

Hello Readers,

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post now and I have been juggling university work, job searching and life in general. To be honest, in the past couple of weeks, this anxiety that I suffer from has attempted to rear it’s ugly head back into my life and in the past couple of days, it succeeded. Therefore you can call this moment I’m experiencing, the “relapse”. From the title you can gather I will be talking about anxiety (as usual), but this time (and in more detail) exploring its disabling capabilities.

Whether I’ve explained this before, I cannot remember, but since anxiety has settled itself like a unwelcome visitor in my life, it has continually found ways of rubbing me up the wrong way. Or in other words, found ways to make me pay attention to it.

If that doesn’t make sense, let me go back and explain. Anxiety has a way of affecting you both physically and mentally – as many of us suffers (and non suffers) will understand. The physical affects can range from person to person depending on who you are and the level of which you suffer, e.g. rapid or irregular heartbeat, hyperventilating or shortness of breath, shaking and twitching, light headedness or dizziness and so on and so fourth. The mental affects are racing thoughts, constant feelings of dread, overthinking, negative thoughts etc. Whatever way anxiety decides to manifest within you, it isn’t a pleasant feeling with most suffers saying that when they have an attack, it feels as though they are dying. Which is something I feel all too well.

A lot of these symptoms that are listed above (as long as those that haven’t) are also known as “triggers“. Normally meaning that any of these symptoms can occur and then “trigger” the rest of the anxiety (or panic) attack. Of course, whether you know it or not, anxiety and panic attacks are a cause of the “flight or fight response” in the body. The way I like to think of it, simply, is as a mis-wiring within the body. The “fight or flight response” within the human body is all about basic survival. However, anxiety suffers, our flight or fight fires 100x more than it needs to and within the release of chemicals (such as adrenaline) it triggers the symptoms above. This makes us feel like we are on “vibrate” and as though we need to be running or doing something when all we are doing is sitting in bed and everything is fine. A major problem with suffering from this mental health issue is that it causes us confusion. Humans naturally suffer from a base form of anxiety, e.g. being nervous and unfortunately, we no longer are granted the basic anxiety which helps us. Instead, we are running on overdrive 24/7 for no reason, dealing with irrational and silly thoughts and although we know there is no need to feel this way, it’s difficult to talk yourself out of it, although, not impossible.

This brings me to my journey. Throughout my journey, I have battled throughout a lot of my triggers. It originally started with a rapid heartbeat, that would set me off. Then once I overcame that, it was having a shortness of breath. Defeating that led me to twitching and shaking, I suffered from this a lot. This goes on and on, you get the idea. I am at a point now where I have fought with my anxiety a lot and overcame A LOT. Usually, I relapse badly at least once a month, if not a little longer. This is one of those times. The most recent of these triggers is that of being light headed and feeling nauseated. Badly. Normally, it’s not too bad and it passes easily, however, this time it has decided not to grant me the simple pleasure of having to endure it for a short while. In the past couple of days, it’s completely disabled me in day-to-day life and social situations. I hate it. Ever since early yesterday, it has felt as though the room was spinning. It has felt like, well simply, it has felt like I have vertigo. It seems as though I am unstable and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Although, it is purely a product of this dreaded anxiety. If I shake my head widely, it does not make me feel sick or dizzy, but, if I sit normally or live my day-to-day life then BOOM! I feel as though I’m about to pass out. Excuse my language but it is completely shit. This has led to me having to miss my girlfriends grandmothers birthday and be in bed for most of the day which makes me feel absolutely horrible. It makes me feel disrespectful, rude and idiotic. It is completely disabling in every way. It is a battle every second. Why do I tell you this? Well, maybe to help me vent or maybe to help you understand that if you are reading this and you suffer as well, you aren’t alone or to let those know that don’t suffer, it is not a choice we make. Our brains are working overtime and the questions never stop; what if I’m out and I faint? what if nobody believes me and they think I am being silly? what if I embarrass myself? And so on. It completely disables you from being able to be a normal human and we want nothing more than for it to stop. We do not choose this.

But hey, all in all, this may just be the next battle I am going to have to face. Just the next step in this journey of an anxious life. It’s shitty but it’s a part of me. However, it will not control me for long. I will overcome this soon.

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Break-Ups

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Good Afternoon Readers,

The topic of today’s entry is something that none of us is a stranger to. Break-ups. That is right, whether they are a healthy (good) break-up or a savage (bad) break-up, this is the topic of today’s conversation and something that we can all relate to. I aim for the entry to cover a vast area regarding break-ups, but, I shall see what happens. 

Something New; Music

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Good Evening Readers,

So, I have done a bit of a ‘face-lift’ on my blog as this is the ‘start of something new’ – to quote High School Musical. (Which, disclaimer, I have listened to non-stop recently). Anyway, this is a new start to ‘JustGeorgeJ’, let me explain.

As all my readers will know, for the past three years, my blog has documented my journey through university as well as providing hints, tips, and experiences in order to provide advice and help to students. However, I have no graduated and I needed to do something with this blog that has served me, and others well, for the past three years. Now, after a bit of an ‘upgrade’ and ‘rearranging’, JustGeorgeJ will now exist as a blog about everything and anything. There will be political, lifestyle, hobbies, activities and more themed articles, so, keep an eye out! Who knows what will be coming.

Also, for those of you who are slightly more focused on my work and know that I will be starting my Master’s in September, fret now, a whole new fresh blog will be documenting that journey, which can be found here; The MA Life.

Right, let’s get started with some new content!

Falling in Reverse – Coming Home (2017)

Now, Falling in Reverse is a band that I had not listened to in AGES. Not since my ’emo’ teenage days and as I established with friends the other day, let’s be honest, it never really goes. For those of you that do not know, the lead man of FiR is Ronnie Radke, the original front man of Escape the Fate – also an amazing band! A band I was also addicted to. However, if I remember rightly, Ronnie ended up in jail for a little while and in that time EtF moved on without him and when he came out, he formed FiR.

Once he did, they released their first album in 2011 called ‘The Drug in Me Is You‘. I remember having this album on repeat 24/7 and the song that is self-titled from the album was my absolute favourite. However, as time went out, new music came along, I just stopped listening to me. To be honest, I stopped listening to this type of music.

Therefore, the other day, after remembering about the band, I took to Spotify and was surprised to discover their new 2017 album, ‘Coming Home‘. I do not know why I was surprised, it is not like they stopped making music when I was not listening to them. However, there is was a brand new album!

They also released Fashionably Late in 2013 and then Just Like You in 2015, however, I have not listened to these yet, I will update you when I have!

‘Coming Home’ listed 11. tracks, as follows;

  1. Coming Home
  2. Broken
  3. Loser
  4. Fuck You and All Your Friends
  5. I Hate Everyone
  6. I’m Bad At Life
  7. Hanging On
  8. Superhero
  9. Straight to Hell
  10. I Don’t Mind
  11. The Departure

I do not why but the entire album is really… empowering. Despite the fact, the subjects of the songs may not be the happiest or brightest or positive. I’d say my favourite songs so far are ‘Coming Home’ and ‘I Hate Everyone’ and finally ‘Superhero’. They are just really amazing songs, they breathe something into me that I cannot explain. Makes me feel ‘badass’. (HA!). If you have not, and you are into this type of music, I would definitely suggest giving it a listen!

Kesha – Praying/Woman (2017)

Kesha (previously known as Ke$ha) is an artist I have always liked. I was never a die-hard fan but I was keen on some of her music such as; Your Love Is My Drug, TiK ToK, Kiss N Tell and more. Therefore, I liked her work. Obviously, in the past year, Kesha has had a seriously hard-time and though I did not follow it closely, I know it affected it her mentally and physically. However, I feel like she has gone through a ‘re-birth’.

When I first discovered Praying, I had it on repeat for a good 24 hours. It was literally amazing. It was empowering, uplifting and totally BADASS. It was just amazing and it was clear how far she had come! It was simply amazing! Next came ‘Woman‘ and it was SASSY as hell. Literally, it was an amazing song. I’ll be honest with you, I was cooking one night and proper dancing around the kitchen to it, it was fantastic. Therefore, her 2017 comeback was absolutely insane and I really hope the rest of the album lives up to it!

Well, there we go, this is the first article of my ‘new lease of life’ officially done!

Remember, you can find me on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Follow me, like me, whatever you wanna do! Get involved!

JUSTGEORGEJ B.A.

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Greetings Readers!

After a little break, I am back and I am now a graduate! Yes, I have officially graduated from Bishop Grosseteste University with an Upper Second Class Degree in Drama in the Community. This chapter of my life is over! Let’s have a catch-up!

So, the past week has been fairly crazy, to say the least. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions; little sleep; alcohol; illness; memories and so much more. I have pretty much been busy from Wednesday through till Friday.

On Wednesday, I was in town getting a few extra bits for graduation and going to get my haircut at a Barber’s in town – which was exciting as I have never been to one before. I had my hair, eyebrows, and beard styled and cut. The guy who did it did an amazing job and I could not thank him enough, he made me look extremely smart for my graduation!

Wednesday was also the day that allowed me to see my friends graduate and have other friends come down to see me graduate. We ended up just chilling, listening to music and preparing for Thursday. It was a nerve-racking, yet, lovely day.

Anyway, then it was Thursday. Graduation day!

IMG_2054

So, the picture above is me walking out of Lincoln Cathedral after graduation! Yeah, that’s right. I graduated. With an Upper Second Class honours to say the least.

Thursday was a stressful day and there was an AWFUL lot of build up to it… as you will know from the previous posts that have been added to this site. Anyway, all of that built up till this day. I think the most spectacular part of this day is the fact I got to graduate in Lincoln Cathedral. Like, that’s amazing. One of the most historic places in Lincoln and I received my degree from within that building. Other universities graduate in auditoriums or theatres or lecture halls or places like that but this is how my university does it and it was simply incredible! INCREDIBLE.

As you can see from the pictures, myself and another of my fellow students were the first ones to walk out of the Cathedral following the graduation ceremony. It was crazy! Suddenly we were at the front and everyone was applauding us and that was it… BGU was over and we had graduated. It was a surreal feeling, to say the least.

Anyway, from here, the day carried on and it was full of celebrations and Prosecco and pictures and food and dancing and yeah, it was genuinely one of the best days of my entire life – however, I am extremely sad that it has come to an end and I’ve sort of fell into a rut now the entire thing is over. I’m fairly lost and I do not know how to feel about it.

Also, you may be questioned where ‘illness’ comes into the list at the beginning. Well, my anxiety, mixed with a general cold and more (e.g. alcohol and late nights) meant that throughout this last week and my graduation, I felt like absolute crap physically! However, I got through it and generally was EXTREMELY happy and ignored how crap I felt!

So, all in all, that is my graduation. There is probably an awful lot I could say, however, I am still in a bit of shell shock and I do not really know what more to say at this moment, I’m sure it’ll come up in later posts that’ll follow this one, so, for now, we can just celebrate in the fact I have graduated!

When The Going Get’s Tough…

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Good Evening Readers,

A massive thank you for all the support I had yesterday with the previous article, if you have not already read it, you can find it here. Tonight, it is going to get a little personal and extremely truthful in regards to university. Buckle up Freshers (or students), truth bomb coming at you!

The title of this article as you will have already read is ‘When The Going Gets Tough…’, now, many of you will already know the end to that saying, but for now, we shall save it. What do I mean by this?

Simply, university is going to get tough. Whether at the beginning, in the middle or at the end. University will be tough for you. You are going to experience that time that 99.9% of students go through. The stress, the tears, the defeat, the hopelessness, the pure exhaustion of doing what you are doing. It is going to hit you. Guess what? That’s okay. It is natural.

Now, throughout my time of writing my student blog I have often touched upon the idea that the media portrays student life and university life as a complete facade to what it actually is. It is either at two ends of the spectrum – glorifying student life as they study towards their achievements or the other end of the spectrum, e.g. drugs and the scandal around them and student drinking. However, there is no in between, the truth is not presented. That being that student life is bloody hard. It is hurdles and challenges and sometimes, not succeeding in jumping or facing them. It’s being completely exhausted and having breakdowns over deadlines and word counts. It’s having to work basically full-time and balance studying just so you can eat. It’s stressing you out that much that you actually make yourself ill. It’s having late nights and early mornings equalling in very little sleep just to catch up on work and make it to lectures. It’s having breakdowns to your lecturers about life because you are just struggling to juggle it all. It is constantly worrying about money and how you are going to afford rent. It is facing high school drama that should have ended by now but never did. It’s having to attempt to remain in a social circle and keep your friends and even dipping your toe in the relationship pool and doing all of this whilst trying not to fall apart because you desperately want that degree. It is the physical embodiment of ‘the good, the bad and the ugly.’

I do not make it sound glamorous or welcoming at all, do I? Okay, let me rectify that with the point of this article.

Despite all of this, it is these times where the memories are created and when you realise what university is all about. Yes, at the end of the day, university is always going to be about your degree, but, it’s about how you experience this degree. During all those moments that I mentioned above, that is when you come together as students. Those late nights in the library where you are having a breakdown are the moments your friends bring you a McDonalds, those times when you can’t afford food, those are the moments when friends lend you money or cook for you. When you are ill, your friends nurse you. When you’re having a breakdown, your friends give you a break. When you feel like you’re drifting when your friends, they pull you back in. Being students is a unity. As cliche as that sounds. You stick together.

Because you know when the going gets tough…

The tough get going.

Remember this Freshers, when you down in the dumps and feel like you want to drop out, stick at it. These are where the memories of university are made. You are being tested, keep pushing.

student worries: independence

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Good Afternoon Prospective Students (and students),

Whilst struggling to conceive an idea of what I could write about today, I did something I do rarely. This was going back and looking at my old work. Therefore, I dived into the pages of my blog and went back to the ‘beginning’ and remembered I was very passionate about doing a collection of articles called ‘student worries’ and therefore, I thought I’d do one that I’d never done before! Therefore, I welcome you to ‘student worries: independence’!

Through my time on ‘The Student Roon’ in the early part of 2016 and previous and then my time on Campus since the beginning of this year… and my entire three years at university, independence is something that is two-fold. 45% of students are dying for it, 45% are terrified of it and 10% are both. It is fair to say that when we are starting university, putting the studying aspect aside for a moment, it is all about independence.

Personally, I believe you have more independence when moving out of home and actually living in halls/student housing. Purely because, I feel, if you stay at home – you are stuck between two worlds. A world of routine you have always known and then a world of study and socialism that you have never experienced before and I believe to truly immerse yourself in the independence of being a student, you have to move on. This is not to say that students living at home are not independent because they can be, but, I just believe there is a huge amount of growth to be said for moving out of your family home, paying your own way and supporting yourself. Each to their own though.

Anyway, independence! The idea of being independent as a student is accumulated with several reasons. It is the idea, as said above, that you are paying your own way and supporting yourself. You have taken the step of moving away from home and doing your own cooking; cleaning; shopping and more. Also, learning to be alone away from your family and friends that you have grown up with and loved. Now, to some people, it does not affect them and they are just ready to move out and begin living ‘their’ life, but for some people, it is quite heavy and there is nothing wrong with this.

Independence; The Scary Side

Let us, for a moment, focus on being scared of having independence.

From what I have experienced in my three years, being scared of having independence is again, two-fold. So, firstly, you can be scared of independence because you have led an extremely sheltered existence and never really learned to ‘stand on your own two feet’ metaphorically speaking. This means that you have led a very ‘laid back’ lifestyle whilst living at home and had a lot done for you, or, purely decided not to actively learn the skills you need to survive in life. This means, you have very limited knowledge of cooking, cleaning is commonly known as ‘hide all the junk under the bed’ and shopping is something only your parents do. If you are one of those people, going to university and living in halls is going to be a shock. Like jumping in an ice-cold river.

My advice for you people. Despite the fact this sounds like a harsh dig at you, it is not. It is trying to get you to open your eyes early so you do not have a meltdown when you first get to university. My advice is this; take control of your life and learn the skills you need to learn. There a student cookbooks out there that guide you through even the most complex of recipes and they are very easy to follow. Take pride in cleaning your space – it is really rewarding knowing that you have cleaned up! And finally, GO SHOPPING. Even if it is just joining your parents, go out shopping. Understand how much you are going to be spending on a certain time period, learn how to bargain and where to shop. It is not as easy as you think. Just, PREPARE. As they say, fail to prepare, prepare to fail and that applies to every aspect of university.

Secondly, you are scared of independence purely because it is a massive change. These are the people that are perfectly competent in looking after themselves and being able to cook, clean and shop – however – they are about to break out of a routine they have known for a long time and submerge into a way of living that they have never really experienced before. ‘Flying the nest’ is actually a lot more stressful than it looks. You are looking forward to being away from family and friends and being able to ‘do you’ when you want, but, you do not really know how you are going to deal with it or how you are going to adapt, but again, is perfectly fine.

My advice for you people. As bad as it sounds, you just have to take the plunge and get there. There is no real ‘trial run’ you can do before you go to prepare yourself. You can get everything prepared and know the skills, but to truly know how you’ll fair once you are there, you just have to take the plunge and do it. I will not lie to you, it is not for everyone. Some people cannot handle it and end up moving back up and commuting and again, that is okay. Some people just are not ready for that. However, the majority pick it up straight away or as we students like to call it, you learn how to ‘scrape on by’.

Independence; Being Ready For It

Now, this is the one I relate to the most and purely because it was me when I started university.

These people are the ones that are just ready and again, arguably, they are two-fold. With the amount of ‘two-folds’ that go into independence, it’s got to be like 16 folds by now! Anywho, these people are two-fold. Like previous; they are either unprepared and ready for whatever comes their way with an ‘I’ll learn as I go along’ attitude or they are like the latter ones where they have all the skills they need and are ready to face whatever comes their way. Equally, both fine. However, going in with this attitude can be slightly dangerous. You may be thinking, ‘why is it dangerous?’, well, if you go in with this attitude (and there is nothing wrong with confidence) you can be a bit oblivious to the things you may not be prepared for and at the end of the day, it is always better to be prepared, as they say ‘expect the unexpected’… however, if you expect the unexpected, does that not make the unexpected, expected? Wow, trippy.

ANYDOODLE, MY ADVICE FOR YOU PEOPLE IS… do you, just be prepared a little. Be confident, as confident as you want too because I was. I was ready to move out, I had lived out my time at home, I had the skills and I was ready to move onto the next chapter of my life and when I got there, there were a few hiccups at the beginning but, it is a learning curve – as it is for everyone. Enjoy it!

And for now, that is student worries: independence!

I hope you were able to take even a small something away from this post!

 

GS 2017 – 07/07/2017

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Greetings Readers,

How are we all? I trust we are well! Again, I let my writing slip again in the last week across my blogs and it has purely been down to the fact that I have been so busy! However, all will be explained in this entry!

Here we go! So, recently most of my articles have been about my upcoming graduation. Which is no surprise, it’s a big deal for me! It’s going to be the end of one big chapter of my life and one hell of a celebration!

In regards to my graduation, you’ll know that everything was pretty much in place and ready and waiting to go. Now, all my tickets and everything have arrived which is FANTASTIC and also, finally, I have my graduation suit!

IMG_1862.JPG

It’s this lovely grey suit here! It was even cheaper than I was anitipating and the best part? I actually paid for it myself! That may not sound like a big deal to a lot of you but my parents have always supported me a lot and this time, this was something I purchased myself. After a lot of time working with my parents to earn the money, I did it! I earned enough to afford to buy my suit!

That is the final piece, everything is now ready for graduation! I’ve just got to graduate now! Which is fairly terrifying! And exciting… but, we’ve covered this before.

Anyway, that should hopefully explain why I haven’t posted much in the last week. I have been travelling here, there and everywhere and working a lot in order to save up money and then, any down time that I have had, I’ve just slept as I’ve been so exhausted!

Now I have a lot more free time, apart from my usual job, therefore, I’ll be able to post more over the next coming days and weeks! Watch this space!

 

GS 2017 – 03/07/2017

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Good Evening Readers,

I trust that we are all well? I am currently working until 1 am and whilst doing so, I am watching Indian Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, what a classic film! Anyway, I have some exciting news to share with you all.

So, normally I start these posts with explaining that I am not really doing much with my graduate summer, whilst that is still true in some respects, I now have exciting news. Over the next couple of weeks, I will be publishing a book! A while back I wrote a book and have it ‘published’, by this I mean I had it officially printed, however, it was only one copy of it. I never thought much of it after that, well, I’ve discovered that Amazon allows you to publish and distribute your own personal book, therefore, this is what I will be doing!

I am going to spend the next week or two going over the old PDF of my book and editing it and getting it up to a standard that will be ready for publication, then it will go on Amazon and officially go on sale! Therefore, if anybody would like to read my poetry from the past couple of years, and you’ll be able to have a read of it and see what kind of stuff I write! I’ll keep you all updated on that!

On another note, I have been painting the student house for the past couple of days and now I am home for a week! It’s nice to be back, unlimited food, big TV, comfy bed and my family of course… it’s a lovely life! Also, today, I switched rooms back in my student house today… it took a couple of hours but I am now in the attic rooms and I am very cozy up there… even have my own little office! Therefore, working and what not will be a lot easier as I will not have the distraction of my TV/Xbox.

Well, that is all I have to update you on at the moment, until next time!

GS 2017 – 02/07/2017

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Hello, Users!

I must apologise as in the last week, I have let my schedule slip a tiny bit. I believe I posted one on Monday but neglected the rest of the week unless you are on Campus Society where I posted an exclusive ‘MA Life’ article – it was short and sweet, as I am sure this one will be!

As usual, I do not have anything to update you on… wow, I’m boring at the minute. Anywho! On the ‘exclusive Campus Society’ article, I mentioned how my graduation was fastly coming around, it is THIS month. On the 20th of this month, I will graduate from Bishop Grosseteste University with an Upper Second Class degree in Drama in the Community. I am terrified.

You may be questioning; why are you terrified for your own graduation? To be honest, I suppose there are a few reasons as to why I am terrified.

  1. As I have mentioned repeatedly over the past few weeks, this is three years of my life coming to an end. An entire chapter just ends right here! After three years of studying, making friends and experiences… it’s all drawing to an end. When I started three years, the end of university seemed like a lifetime away and I could only imagine the end of it and everything that came with that… but now, here we are!
  2. As discussed in my previous articles, I suffer from anxiety. This usually means, from past experiences, I do not do well with sitting in large crowds for long periods of time… especially knowing I am having to stand in front of a lot of people. I am a drama student and this is what triggers me… silly, right?
  3. Also… what if I like, trip up on stage or something? Knowing me, that is something that will more than likely happen. I will be walking SO carefully onto that stage, but, I shall keep you updated!

With graduation coming up, I still haven’t bought my suit yet… but I am doing so this week! I first have to go home and work with my parents for a few days to earn a little extra money and then I shall be buying my graduation suit, happy days!

More recently, however, I have been painting my student house! Now, some of you students out there may be thinking, what the hell? Why are you painting your own student house? Is that no the landlord’s job? 1. Because I want too, 2. technically yes. Basically, because I am living in the same house for another year and have already taken great pride in keeping the garden tidy and planting flowers, I wanted to take care of the house. Over the years, there is just general wear and tear of the house, e.g. scuffs on the walls and cracks etc – therefore, I offered my services to the landlord and luckily, he provided me with everything I needed! In turn, I had a very busy day yesterday and manage to get 90% of the house painted, just some more to do tonight.

As I have mentioned previously in other articles, if you are respectful of your student house and your landlord, they will look out for you. It’s surprising how ignorant some students are and how much they do not care about the house in which they live. Oh well! Some people do respect their houses and that’s the important thing! If not, your landlord will just bill you at the end.

As for today, that is all I have to update you on!

GS 2017 – 26/06/2017

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Good Evening Readers,

Again, as usual in these recent updates, I do not have a lot to tell you as my graduate summer – at the moment – is not that exciting. However, I do have exciting news!

Today, I received my final marks back from university and now know what I am graduating with…

I am very happy to announce that I will be graduating from Bishop Grosseteste University with an Upper Second Class degree in BA (Hons) Drama in the Community.

E.g. I graduated with a 2:1!

This is also good news because it means after three years of hard work, breakdowns, tears and more, I have achieved the classification I need in order to go onto study my Master’s!

Literally, the relief and excitement that came over me today when I received my grades were unbelievable. Relief; this is because I can finally relax knowing that I have safely got the grades to get into the University of Lincoln and the fact that my hard work has actually paid off. Excitement; this has the same reasons as before really but also down to the fact that I can actually graduate with my friends next month!

Therefore, with all of that in mind, it is time to get back to working with my parents to earn some money to buy my graduation suit! Also today, I booked in for my hair/beard to be cut at a ‘fancy pants’ place in Lincoln, all in order to be ready for graduation!

Until next time!